Never tell your wife she's lousy in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion. (Rodney Dangerfield)
I was asleep and dreaming of the old days of hot-tubs and free sex when all of a sudden the awesome reality of a firm breast in my mouth caused me to slowly rise from my slumber......turns out the rubber nose piece from my CPAP machine came off and fell int my mouth and I had been chewing on it.....
It's great to have a gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald. (Rodney Dangerfield)
I once saw my grandparents have sex, and that's why I don't eat raisins. (Zach Galifianakis)
An eighty year old man was sitting on the couch with his wife when she said to him, "Why don't you come sit close to me like you used to." So he did. After a moment she said, "Why don't you put your arm around me like you used to." He put his arm around her and held her tight. Then she said,"Why don't you nibble on my ear like you used to." The man got up and left the room. "Where are you going?" she called out. "To get my teeeth," he replied.
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