What's For Sale?

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall.  As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up. One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling." Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes." Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well, only two left."

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Lucky Day

A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She was to go into a room and wait for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"

"Breast fed", she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. she did.

He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for awhile in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry, You don't have any milk."

"Naturally", she said, "I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came today
"fun for older people

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Tooth Fairy

Tooth Fairy

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!' 

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Difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is?

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is?

Well here is the answer:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time, just the two of them. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.

"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?"

"Oh yes, Papa" the girl replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single a--hole, stupid basta--, or dumb sh-- anywhere we went today!"

fun for older people

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Golfing with an Older Gentleman

Golfing with an Older Gentleman

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Have You Ever Danced? Wisdom and Old Age Joke

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule and headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat. He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for us all here:
  • Never be arrogant.
  • Don't waste ammunition.
  • Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
  • Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
  • Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.

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Observations on Growing Older -Funny one Liners about getting Old

Observations on Growing Older

  • Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them ...but your grandchildren are perfect!
  • Going out is good. Coming home is better!
  • When people say you look "Great"... they add "for your age!"
  • When you needed the discount you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything .... movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.
  • You forget names ... but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!
  • The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
  • You realize you're never going to be really good at anything .... especially golf. ~Your husband is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.
  • The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.
  • Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's called his "pre-sleep".
  • Remember when your mother said "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!
  • You used to say, "I hope my kids GET married ... Now, "I hope they STAY married!"
  • You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..
  • When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem .... were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.
  • You use more 4 letter words .... "what?"..."when?" ???
  • Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
  • Your husband has a night out with the guys but he's home by 9:00 P.M. ...next week it will be 8:30 P.M.
  • You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.
  • Now that your husband has retired .... you'd give anything if he'd find a job!
  • You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet .... 2 of which you will never

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Have a drink, It's 5 o'clock some where. Maxine on Living Well

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