What a Great Sign about Grandchildren and Grandparents!!!
Golden Years Humor
Golden Years Humor
Saturday
Friday
The Wit of Phyllis
Golden Years HumorWhatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis
Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.
Phyllis
Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor .
Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
Phyllis Diller
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
Tuesday
New Use for iPad
New Technology
I was visiting my daughter and son-in-law last night when I asked if I could
borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century, old man,' she said. 'We don't waste money on
newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.'
Well I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it.
Golden Years Humor
Monday
Wednesday
Monday
Sunday
Embracing the Hi Tech Revolution
I decided that, after incredible pressure
from the children and grandchildren,
Grandma and I
should embrace the Hi tech revolution.
I'll ask the kids for a new
Apple iCar for Father’s Day…
And I told them that I was sure that Grandma would be delighted to get
( instead of a new vacuum cleaner )
the following new Apple product for Mother’s Day
The iRon
and that’s when the fight started...
Golden Years Humor
Saturday
Punctuation Is Important
Are students taught grammar?
Is texting the ruination of mankind?
The Modern Classroom
Golden Years Humor
Monday
TRUE LOVE For Valentine's Day
Great message and picture about true love!
Golden Years Humor
Just in time for Valentine's Day
but relevant for every day!
Golden Years Humor
Saturday
lying all these years joke
The Toy…
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down… and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device… a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic.
“You impotent jerk,” She screamed at him, “How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!”
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: “I'll explain the toy… you explain the kids.”
Golden Years Humor
Friday
Tuesday
WE MADE IT! And it feels good!!!
According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's or even the early 80's, probably shouldn't have survived.
Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors!
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable!
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound,personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms. We had friends! We went outside and found them.
We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.
We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?
We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. Horrors! Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected, no one to hide behind.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
And you're one of them. Congratulations!
Golden Years Humor
Modern Technology Too Complicated For Me
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
They told me people could follow me.
I said, “Where?”
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