OLD AGE JOKES or HUMOUR FOR THE CHRONOLOGICALLY GIFTED - Your choice!

Traveled a Long Way

2012-03-08T16:51:00.000-05:00

Some people
try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know why
I look this way.
I've traveled a long way
and some of the roads weren't paved.

Golden Years Humor and Jokes About Seniors

AGING

2012-03-08T16:32:00.000-05:00

Eventually you will reach a point
when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love
to hear them say

"you don't look that old."

Golden Years Humor and Jokes About Seniors

The Doctor's Father

2012-03-08T16:30:00.000-05:00

An older gentleman was
on the operating table
awaiting surgery
and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son;
do your best,
and just remember,
if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me,
your mother
is going to come and
live with you and your wife...."

Golden Years Humor and Jokes About Seniors
*

The Older Crowd

2012-03-08T16:29:00.000-05:00

A distraught senior citizen
Phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication
you prescribed has to be takenfor the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'."

Golden Years Humor & Jokes About Seniors
**

Easter for Seniors

2012-03-06T12:30:00.000-05:00

Alzheimer’s Advantage:

You can hide your own Easter eggs.

Golden Years Humor

SAGGING PANTS

2012-02-17T11:04:00.001-05:00

Click to enlarge:

Funny pants and Golden Years Humor

My New Physician

2012-02-17T11:02:00.000-05:00

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”

AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans…

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like – speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Doctors, Health and Golden Years Humor

Great Video We Can Identify With

2012-02-17T10:57:00.002-05:00

This lady has a fabulous voice but listen carefully to the lyrics; it’s hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=HzSaoN2LdfU

Memory Loss and Golden Years Humor

Happy Valentine's Day To Grandparents and Grandchildren

2012-02-09T08:11:00.000-05:00

Golden Years Humor

Valentine Senior Moment

2012-01-30T11:16:00.000-05:00

Please be my valentine, I was having a senior moment!

*
Golden Years Humor

Grow Old With Me Fail

2012-01-28T13:17:00.002-05:00

Golden Years Humor

40 Years From Now

2012-01-14T10:34:00.002-05:00

Golden Years Humor

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2011-12-31T14:30:00.002-05:00

BEAUTIFUL HAPPY NEW YEAR PICTURE ~ NASA

Golden Years Humor

Funny New Year Resolutions

2011-12-31T14:29:00.000-05:00

Golden Years Humor

Funny New Year Resolutions Posters

2011-12-31T14:28:00.002-05:00

Golden Years Humor

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONs

2011-12-31T14:27:00.000-05:00

Funny New Year's resolutions

Golden Years Humor

Difference Between Men and Women

2011-12-31T14:24:00.001-05:00

Careful what you wish for...

Golden Years Humor

HAPPY BLOODY MARY DAY

2011-12-31T14:23:00.000-05:00

JANUARY 1 IS NATIONAL HAPPY BLOODY MARY DAY ~ What a great idea!

Golden Years Humor

A Short Neurological Test

2011-12-21T10:03:00.000-05:00

1- Find the C below..

Please do not use any cursor help.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel
your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far
from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.

Congratulations!

eonvrye that can raed this rsaie your hnad.

If you can read the following paragraph, you are just awsome.
Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but interesting!

If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too

Can you raed this? Olny 45 plepoe out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the
olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a
pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot
slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this sarhe it.

*
Golden Years Humor

At least Something is OK!

2011-12-20T11:26:00.000-05:00

You know your old when...
Golden Years Humor

Too Old

2011-12-20T07:49:00.002-05:00

Golden Years Humor

Christmas Poem Funny Stocking Stuffer

2011-11-30T10:56:00.002-05:00

Oh greed is the curse of many a maid

Munching mince pies, quaffing sweet lemonade

With never a thought about midriff bulge

She procedes without caution to over indulge

And then when the scale shows a figure quite shocking

She opens the diet book

That was stuffed in her stocking.

author unknown

Golden Years Humor

Babies at 65

2011-09-15T08:53:00.000-04:00

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

"May I see the new baby?" I asked

"Not yet," She said "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, "May I see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, "May I see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, "Well, when can I see the baby?"

"When he cries!" she told me.

"When he cries?" I asked puzzled. "Why do I have to wait until he cries?"

"Because I forgot where I put him ok?!?"

Golden Years Humor

$2.99 Special

2011-07-23T12:57:00.005-04:00

2.99 SPECIAL

I love it.................................

If you are a senior you will

understand this one , if you

deal with seniors , this should

help you understand them a

little better , and if you are not

a senior yet........God willing,

someday you will be......

The 2.99 Special

We went to breakfast at a

restaurant where the 'seniors' special'

was two eggs , bacon,

hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good , ' my wife said.

'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then , I'll have to charge you $3.49

because you're ordering a la carte ,

the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for

not taking the eggs?' my

wife asked incredulously.

'YES!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then ,

' my wife said..

'How do you want your eggs?'

the waitress asked.

'Raw and in the shell ,

' my wife replied.

She took the two eggs

home and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around

the block more than once!


Send this to the Seniors in your life. I'm sure they'll appreciate it!

Even non-seniors will appreciate it!

Golden Years Humor

Sun Safety Tips for the Elderly

2011-07-21T11:38:00.000-04:00

Best sun protection for your nose!

Golden Years Humor

Roses and Hanging Baskets

2011-06-08T11:09:00.002-04:00

A teenage granddaughter

comes downstairs for her date

with this see-through blouse on and no bra.

Her grandmother went mad,

Telling her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager tells her

'Loosen up Gran.

These are modern times.

You gotta let your rose buds show!'

and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs,

and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.

The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her grandmother

that she has friends coming over

and that it is just not appropriate....

The grandmother says,

'Loosen up, Sweetie.

If you can show off your rose buds,

then I can display my hanging baskets.

Happy Gardening.

Golden Years Humor

Birth Control For Seniors

2011-06-04T07:59:00.000-04:00

Golden Years Humor

Seniors and Computers

2011-06-04T07:57:00.002-04:00

Golden Years Humor

Shadow Dancing ~ Enjoy Life

2011-04-28T12:02:00.000-04:00

Golden Years Humor

Senior Citizens Humor

2011-04-14T17:20:00.003-04:00

SENIOR CITIZENS
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING AIDS

BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS MOST OF ALL,

MONETARY AIDS TO THEIR KIDS!Not forgetting HIV (Hair is Vanishing)
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
I'm only sending this to my 'old' friends.

Golden Years Humor

The Flower Show

2011-04-11T09:17:00.002-04:00

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall
where a flower show was in progress.

The thin one leaned over and said,

'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more.

For $10.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show!'

'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10.00 note.

The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.

Finally, the smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.

'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.
'I won $1000 as 1st prize for 'Best Dried Arrangement....!!!'Golden Years Humor

Queen Elizabeth 11 and American Presidents Over the Years | e-Forwards.com - Funny Emails

2011-04-06T13:11:00.000-04:00

Queen Elizabeth 11 and American Presidents Over the Years | e-Forwards.com - Funny Emails

William Shatner - Captain Kirk turns a Monstrous 80

2011-03-22T10:58:00.000-04:00

Golden Years Humor

Boomer Zoomer Memory Test

2011-03-20T14:38:00.000-04:00

Have a paper and pencil handy to record your answers. Your mind isn’t as sharp as it once was (in case you hadn’t noticed)! This is NOT a pushover test. It’s a Baby Boomer Era test! There are 20 multiple choice questions. Average total score is 12. This one will be difficult for the younger set. Have fun, but no peeking! When you forward this to your friends/family, put your score in the subject line and let them know your score. Good luck!

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A. Flintstones vitamins
B. The Buttmaster
C. Spaghetti
D. Wonder Bread
E. Orange Juice
F. Milk
G. Cod Liver Oil

2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was:
A. Sugar Ray Robinson.
B. Roy Orbison.
C. Gene Autry.
D. Rudolph Valentino.
E. Fabian.
F. Mickey Mantle.
G. Cassius Clay.

3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, ‘We have met the enemy and….
A. It’s you.
B. He is us.
C. It’s the Grinch.
D. He wasn’t home.
E. He’s really me and you.
F. We quit.
G. He surrendered.

4. Good night, David.
A. Good night, Chet.
B. Sleep well.
C. Good night, Irene.
D. Good night, Gracie.
E. See you later, alligator.
F. Until tomorrow.
G. Good night, Steve.

5. You’ll wonder where the yellow went.
A. When you use Tide.
B. When you lose your crayons.
C. When you clean your tub.
D. If you paint the room blue.
E. If you buy a soft water tank.
F. When you use Lady Clairol.
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.

6. Before he was the Skipper’s Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie’s friend:
A. Stuart Whitman.
B Randolph Scott.
C. Steve Reeves.
D. Maynard G. Krebs.
E. Corky B. Dork.
F. Dave the Whale.
G. Zippy Zoo.

7. Liar, liar…
A. You’re a liar.
B. Your nose is growing.
C. Pants on fire.
D. Join the choir
E. Jump up higher.
F. On the wire.
G. I’m telling Mom.

8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and…..
A. Wheaties.
B. Lois Lane.
C. TV ratings.
D. World peace.
E. Red tights.
F. The American way.
G. News headlines.

9. Hey kids! What time is it?
A. It’s time for Yogi Bear.
B It’s time to do your homework.
C. It’s Howdy Doody Time.
D. It’s time for Romper Room.
E. It’s bedtime.
F. The Mighty Mouse Hour.
G. Scoopy Doo Time.

10. Lions and tigers and bears….
A. Yikes.
B. Oh, no.
C. Gee whiz.
D. I’m scared.
E. Oh my.
F. Help! Help!
G. Let’s run.

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone….
A. Over 40.
B. Wearing a uniform.
C. Carrying a briefcase.
D. Over 30.
E. You don’t know.
F. Who says, ‘Trust me’.
G. Who eats tofu.

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women’s stockings:
A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C. Joe Namath
D. Roger Staubach
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. John Elway

13. Brylcream…
A. Smear it on.
B. You’ll smell great.
C. Tame that cowlick.
D. Grease ball heaven.
E. It’s a dream.
F. We’re your team.
G. A little dab’ll do ya.

14. I found my thrill…
A. In Blueberry muffins.
B. With my man, Bill.
C. Down at the mill.
D. Over the windowsill.
E. With thyme and dill.
F. Too late to enjoy.
G. On Blueberry Hill.

15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by:
A. Clark Gable.
B. Mary Martin.
C. Doris Day.
D. Errol Flynn.
E. Sally Fields.
F. Jim Carrey.
G. Jay Leno.

16. Name the Beatles:
A. John, Steve, George, Ringo
B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe
C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo
E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo
F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
G. John, Paul, George, Ringo

17. I wonder, wonder, who.
A. Who ate the leftovers?
B. Who did the laundry?
C. Was it you?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who I am?
F. Passed the test?
G. Knocked on the door?

18. I’m strong to the finish…
A. Cause I eats my broccoli.
B. Cause I eats me spinach.
C. Cause I lift weights.
D. Cause I’m the hero.
E. And don’t you for get it.
F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me.
G. To outlast Bruto.

19. When it’s least expected, you’re elected, you’re the star today.
A. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera.
B. Smile, you’re on Star Search.
C. Smile, you won the lottery.
D. Smile, we’re watching you.
E. Smile, the world sees you.
F. Smile, you’re a hit.
G. Smile, you’re on TV.

20. What do M & M’s do?
A. Make your tummy happy.
B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket.
C. Make you fat.
D. Melt your heart.
E. Make you popular.
F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
G. Come in colors.

***

Below are the right answers:
1. D – Wonder Bread
2. G – Cassius Clay
3. B – He Is us
4. A – Good night, Chet
5. G – When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6. D – Maynard G. Krebs
7. C – Pants on fire
8. F – The American Way
9. C – It’s Howdy Doody Time
10. E – Oh my
11. D – Over 30
12. C – Joe Namath
13. G – A little dab’ll do ya
14. G – On Blueberry Hill
15. B – Mary Martin
16. G – John, Paul, George, Ringo
17. D – Who wrote the book of Love
18. B – Cause I eats me spinach
19. A – Smile, you’re on Candid Camera
20. F – Melt in your mouth not in your hand

Golden Years Humor

Sleeping With An Older Woman

2011-02-18T15:31:00.000-05:00

Sleeping With An Older Woman

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...*******************************************

Google Pill Calendar

2011-02-08T15:21:00.001-05:00

Jokes for Seniors, Golden Years Humor

Old is When

2011-01-27T18:16:00.000-05:00

Old is When

Golden Years Humor

IMPORTANT RULE CHANGES FOR THE SENIOR GOLFER

2011-01-27T10:58:00.000-05:00

IMPORTANT RULE CHANGES FOR THE SENIOR GOLFER

Forward to a friend by clicking on the email icon below!

The Wheels of Life

2011-01-25T10:56:00.002-05:00

Golden Years Humor

The Doorframe

2011-01-10T12:17:00.001-05:00

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A KID AND YOUR PARENTS LINED YOU UP AGAINST A DOOR FRAME TO MARK HOW TALL YOU WERE AND DATED THE MARK?

WELL, THIS CARTOON BRINGS A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE TO THAT EXERCISE!

LAUGHTER WILL KEEP YOU YOUNG AT HEART!

NOW WHEN YOU'RE DONE LAUGHING.....
SEND IT TO THOSE WHO
NEED A GOOD CHUCKLE!

Golden Years Humor

Seniors Coping with Twitter, Facebook and Modern Technology in General

2011-01-08T15:44:00.000-05:00

Seniors Coping with Twitter, Facebook and Modern Technology in General

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Little Old Lady Having Fun

2011-01-08T11:21:00.001-05:00

Little Old Lady Having Fun CLICK HERE

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GOOD NEWS FOR ALL WINE LOVERS!!!

2011-01-04T17:58:00.000-05:00

GOOD NEWS FOR ALL WINE LOVERS!!!

Forward to a friend by clicking on the email icon below!

Maxine and Old Age - If My Body Was a Car

2011-01-04T17:08:00.002-05:00

Maxine and Old Age - Click Here

Forward to a friend by clicking on the email icon below!

Passing the Purple Hat - If I had my life to live over – Erma Bombeck

2011-01-04T12:14:00.000-05:00

Passing the Purple Hat = If I had my life to live over - Erma Bombeck

Golden Years Humor

Not Feeling Old Today -Too bad!

2011-01-04T12:08:00.000-05:00

Not Feeling Old Today- Too bad!

Forward to a friend by clicking on the email icon below!

Pumpkin Pies and A Man's Sex Drive

2010-12-17T11:33:00.000-05:00

I asked my wife, "Why haven't we had any pumpkin pie lately. You know it's my favourite."

She said, "There was a shortage of pumpkins this year. "

I accepted that excuse until I read the new research by Dr. Alan Hirsch, Director of Chicago's Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Center.

In a study of men ages 18 to 64, 40 aromas were tested to determine which arouses men the most. The smell of pumpkin pie topped ladies' fragrances.

"The number one odor that enhanced penile blood flow was a combination of lavender and pumpkin pie," said Hirsch.

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... Golden Years Humor

Merry Christmas to My Female Friends

2010-12-16T07:29:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas to My Female Friends

Forward to a friend by clicking on the email icon below!

Rudolph is Getting Older

2010-12-14T15:40:00.000-05:00

Rudolph is Getting Older

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...*******************************************

It's Tough Being Old

2010-12-13T12:55:00.000-05:00

It's Tough Being Old

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Getting Old is Not Easy!

2010-12-09T15:11:00.000-05:00

Getting Old is Not Easy!

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Old Guys can be Helpful

2010-12-03T17:44:00.000-05:00

Old Guys can be Helpful

Maxine and Her iPod Fail

2010-12-01T05:43:00.000-05:00

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas…

The music was really,really loud,
so I timed my gas with the beat of the music…

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.
I finished my coffee, and noticed that
everybody was staring at me…

Then I suddenly remembered
that I was listening to my iPod.

Golden Years Humor

Maxine, Winter and Memory Loss

2010-12-01T05:24:00.000-05:00

Golden Years Humor

Snowball Fight 2010 - 2011

2010-11-24T10:15:00.000-05:00

Snowball Fight 2010 - 2011

Forward to a friend by clicking on the email icon below!

A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart

2010-11-23T10:16:00.002-05:00

A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The Cow: I give 50 liters of milk every day and that’s why I am the greatest!!

The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that’s why I am the greatest!

Why are you scrolling down? It’s your turn to say something...

Golden Years Humor

I'm 90 Years Old and I Made Love to Two Beautiful 24 Year olds!

2010-11-13T18:04:00.001-05:00

An old man enters a confessional and proudly exclaims, "Father, I have to tell you what happened to me last night. I'm 90 years old, and I made love to two beautiful 24-year-old women for eight hours!"

The stern priest replies, "That is a sin. I will have to give you a penance."

"Father, you can't give me a penance."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm Jewish."

The perplexed Father asks, "Then why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everyone!"

Golden Years Humor

365 Times a Year! That’s No Bull

2010-10-18T06:43:00.002-04:00

I took my wife to the State Fair and one of the exhibits is about breeding bulls. We came up to the first pen and there is a sign that says, “This Bull mated 50 times last year.”
My wife poked me in the ribs and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”
We walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign, “This Bull mated 120 times last year.”
My wife hit me and said, “That’s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.”
We walked a little further to a third pen with a Bull and a sign, “This Bull mated 365 times last year.”
My wife got really excited and said, “That’s once a day.” You could REALLY learn something from this one.”
I turned to my wife and replied,

“Go up and ask him if it was with the same ol’ cow.”

Maxine and Halloween

2010-10-18T06:41:00.000-04:00

OLD AGE JOKES or HUMOUR FOR THE CHRONOLOGICALLY GIFTED - Your choice!

Traveled a Long Way

AGING

The Doctor's Father

The Older Crowd

Easter for Seniors

Alzheimer’s Advantage:

You can hide your own Easter eggs.

SAGGING PANTS

My New Physician

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans…

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Great Video We Can Identify With

Happy Valentine's Day To Grandparents and Grandchildren

Valentine Senior Moment

Grow Old With Me Fail

40 Years From Now

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Funny New Year Resolutions

Funny New Year Resolutions Posters

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONs

Difference Between Men and Women

HAPPY BLOODY MARY DAY

A Short Neurological Test

At least Something is OK!

Too Old

Christmas Poem Funny Stocking Stuffer

Oh greed is the curse of many a maid

Munching mince pies, quaffing sweet lemonade

With never a thought about midriff bulge

She procedes without caution to over indulge

And then when the scale shows a figure quite shocking

She opens the diet book

That was stuffed in her stocking.

Babies at 65

$2.99 Special

Sun Safety Tips for the Elderly

Roses and Hanging Baskets

A teenage granddaughter

comes downstairs for her date

with this see-through blouse on and no bra.

Her grandmother went mad,

Telling her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager tells her

'Loosen up Gran.

These are modern times.

You gotta let your rose buds show!'

and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs,

and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.

The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her grandmother

that she has friends coming over

and that it is just not appropriate....

The grandmother says,

'Loosen up, Sweetie.

If you can show off your rose buds,

then I can display my hanging baskets.

Happy Gardening.

Birth Control For Seniors

Seniors and Computers

Shadow Dancing ~ Enjoy Life

Senior Citizens Humor

SENIOR CITIZENSARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!HEARING AIDS

The Flower Show

Queen Elizabeth 11 and American Presidents Over the Years | e-Forwards.com - Funny Emails

William Shatner - Captain Kirk turns a Monstrous 80

Boomer Zoomer Memory Test

Sleeping With An Older Woman

Google Pill Calendar

Old is When

IMPORTANT RULE CHANGES FOR THE SENIOR GOLFER

The Wheels of Life

SENIOR CITIZENS
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING AIDS