Happy New Year Funny Message for 2013

New Year's Wishes

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S.
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.
May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget balance - and include generous amounts for charity.
May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart. 


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Stay Young, My Friend...

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Stay Young My Friend 
We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are!
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1.Try everything twice.
On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:
 "Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!" 
2. Keep only cheerful friends.
 The grouches pull you down.(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)
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3. Keep learning:
 Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever... Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's! 
4. Enjoy the simple things.
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5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.
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6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive. 

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.. Your home is your refuge. Description: [] 
8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
 If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips..
 Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is. 
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. 

I love you, my special friend!

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11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance..

And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. 
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Remember! Lost time can never be found.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
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Wine does not make you FAT .... it makes you LEAN .....(against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.)

 Life is like a quilt; it's what you make of it.
                                         -- Anonymous

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I don't know why I am sending this ... but knew there was something that I wanted to share...
what the heck ... I think this is it.... 

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Monkey Years

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Knitting While Driving


A patrol officer noticed a speeding, red convertible on the road. He pulled up to the car and noticed that there was a elderly lady using her knees to hold the steering wheel while she was driving.  He saw she had two metal objects in her hands.
Quickly, he turned on his siren. He saw what she was doing with her hands: knitting.
“Pull over!” he announced on the loud speaker.
“No!” she screamed. “It’s a scarf!”

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Great Christmas Quiz and trivia

Tis the season to get a little rest

put away all the hustle and bustle of the holidays

and try a little Christmas test.

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Entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre.

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre.After the community sing song led by Alice at the piano it was time for the Star of the Show – Claude the Hypnotist! Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance."Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time," said Claude.The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain."I want you to keep your eyes on this watch," said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see."It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations."He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting:"Watch the watch … Watch the watch … Watch the watch."The audience became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth, the lights twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.And then, suddenly, the chain broke!The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact."Shit," exclaimed Claude.It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens' Centre and Claude was never invited to entertain again!

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